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the masterpiece called YOU


this. this describes me right now.
it's as if someone started a project or beautiful master piece and then left it sitting there. they stopped to think if they actually wanted it to look one way or a different one. they wondered who might not like it and how that would affect the overall message of the art. if you think about it our life's, bodies, & minds are God's masterpieces and when we stop and question how it'll all look in the end, we become stuck on the little imperfections. why? why do we question His art? why do we only see the messy side and little tiny mistakes when all He sees is the beautiful final product & gorgeous imperfections. He sees the other side of it. we often times stop to think about the choices set in front of us, there is no problem with that, but when we stop for so long that we overthink the negative possibilities we miss His call to us. His answer to the questions we have. 

i'm calling a truce with myself. i hope that you can hold me accountable for this. i am done hating my body, heart, & myself. i can't spent the rest of my days here on earth hurting my own feels because i saw some model and it made me feel awful. i'm on my way to purchase a new notebook, in my favorite color because why not??, it'll be for the sole purpose of writing things i love about myself and my body. how grateful i am about having certain things that others might not. how blessed i am to have love and support. it'll be to lift myself up and not push me down. i can no longer stand by and let my negative thoughts over power the little ones that tell me i'm beautiful, smart, and lovely. i need to help myself by encouraging myself and other young people to enjoy life and enjoy their own flaws. 


you need to love yourself. focus on being kind to your heart and how you can impact your veiw of your imperfections. if society pushes you down & tells you need to be a size 00 to be beautiful and wear the clothes that are "in style", then you respond with a LOUD: HECK NO! I'm beautiful the way I am and i'm allowed to wear whatever I want. 
honestly, nobody fits in the tiny little cookie cutter that this world has made. not even the models we see in magazines. that is called photoshop & i've seen how they alter those men and women to look a certain way. it's honestly hurtful and rude to the models, us, and the next generations. how does anyone expect us to love His masterpieces if we keep altering them and "fixing" them to be a certain size and shape? take control of how those magazines and commercials affect you. talk back to that negative voice that tells you that you need to look like her/him in order to be successful. you DON'T. you can be yourself, look like you, and love yourself because you are unique & you're His masterpiece.


plans


i've been realizing lately how much God loves each and every one of us and how i want my every decision to be glorifying His name. I am beginning to make my choices on my own and making myself happy. I had to stop trying to make Ashly or Ashley or Melissa happy, I started making my choices based on how I want to live my life. It is bittersweet to think about August & all the BIG changes that come with it. not just August but this summer of 2015, my sister leaves in July for Germany and won't be back until June 2016, then in August on the 15th I move into my dorm at WSU. This summer & in March we have many trips planned to WA. I'm excited to be showing my mom where I will be spending the majority of the next four years! I can't wait to explore with her during our layover in Seattle.

I feel as if everything came together so quickly, like I was at WSU touring and then I blinked and got my acceptance letter; then blinked again and today applied for housing, also bought our flight tickets for march. every bone in my body is telling me and warning me for the possible pain that I will have when i start to miss home. All I can do is see a therapist at school, continue my meds, stay positive, & ask for help when I need it. Life is funny, it'll give you blessings in forms you never thought imaginable. I know that WSU is a blessing in disguise, one day I'll understand why I'm drawn to it.


valentines


 valentines day has come & gone. lately i've been reading on lots of blogs about valentines day and the meaning behind it. i've decided that this year, next year and the ones that follow will be all about love. not the relationship with a guy i don't have. i'll focus solely on the people i have around me that i love and how i can show them my gratitude & love for them. appreciate those around you that have been there through the tough times, since day 1 of your fight, forever in your heart. reach out to your old friends that you grew apart from, tell them how much you love them still & care for their heart a lot. tell them how you wouldn't have gotten through without them in your life for that time.
you truly DO NOT need a guy or girl to be in love. you can be in love with friends or family on fab. 14th. you can be in love with your pet or anything really. just spend the day loving yourself, friends, & anyone you just enjoy spending time with. it's your day to unconditionally love everyone & anyone you'd like.

embrace the love.